Family (23)

Months of gloom and loneliness followed in Monika's life after Felicia had moved to Berlin. She felt herself growing more pessimistic, weary and moody day by day, the cold weather and long, dark nights draining her energy and happiness, barely finding motivation to keep her going each day. She now had no one to wait for her at home with warm food, nobody to talk to over a cup of coffee, nobody to spend her free time with. Nobody to keep her warm. Her heart was turning back to steel, focusing more on her duties first just to distract herself, pushing not only her men but herself to work harder and harder until she found herself back in the same routine she had before she had met Felicia. The army was her whole life again. The cold, strict and collected Monika was back in the Bundeswehr.

The phone calls she had from Ita or Feliciano didn't have the same effect on her as actually being with her. She liked to receive calls from them but she never made any. Thinking that nympho Italia could be doing anything and anywhere with her brother made her not even want go near the phone. Even though she did hate the fact that Felicia left her to be with her brother made her bitter, she didn't want to stand between them. Italia was free to do anything she liked and Monika would have never deprived her of her happiness. Similar was Feliciano's case, she never knew what time he would be free, how long he was working and when he got inspiration to paint and draw, when he got so carried away that he didn't even hear anything other than the sounds of his brushes on the canvas.

They both had noticed that she had changed and Felicia sometimes blamed herself for it. Maybe she shouldn't have left her but abandoning Ludwig was completely out of the question. She loved her friend but being with the man of her dreams convinced her completely not to go back. She talked to Feliciano about Monika to try to find a solution for all of them, until the two of them made plans that sounded great while they were talking about them. Christmas was just around the corner anyway.






"You should know that I don't want to see my brother," Monika coldly said in a low voice, stirring the pasta she was making to have something to remind her of Italia's presence, even though nothing she cooked tasted anything like Ita's meals. She had even lost weigth in the last few months, her appetite seemed to be almost completely gone.

"But don't come to see him, come to see me!" Felicia replied cheerfully on the other end of the phone. "I miss you. I want to spend Christmas with you, but this time here."

"I'm not sure. I'd rather not risk unecessary conflicts." She sounded bored and stubborn.

"It is no military mission, my dear Lieutenant! Christmas is about family and therefore you should come here to be with us! And I'll make you some spaghetti," she finished with a soft giggle.

Monika just hummed.

"Oh, and the café here has some really delicious cakes!"

"You're trying to bribe me, aren't you?"

"No, what are you thinking?" She continued giggling.

"You cheeky Italian, I know your kind!" A smile spread across Monika's lips.




In the end, her lonely heart brought Monika to Berlin. She felt herself grow nervous just before the plane landed. She knew how awkward it will be to spend time near her brother after the last incident and there was no way to avoid him. She came to see Felicia, her best and only friend but since the two of them had moved in a bigger flat to live together, she already felt uncomfortable at the thought of staying in their guest room. Just why did Ita choose him, of all the men? Was there really nobody else she could fulfill her nymphomanic desires with? She groaned.

Despite having such thoughts just minutes before, she didn't need to fake a smile when she noticed Italia in the crowd, she was truly happy to see her with her usual big grin, waving and throwing her arms around Monika's neck when she walked to them. She hugged her back tightly, even lifter her off the ground for a second, making Italia laugh. Monika meant to be playful for once but later she wasn't sure whether she laughed because she found it funny or because it was awkward.

She wanted to see the city and walk the streets she knew so well. It wasn't that she missed the place, or at least that's what she told herself. She was curious, wondering if anything had changed. What was different for sure this time, was that she had the company of the cheerful, happily chattering Italian, who barely wanted to stop talking about anything at all, she kept talking and talking endlessly while Monika listened with a smile. That was what she missed in the last few months after all, somebody who could bring her some happiness simply with their presence. Italia was still the sweetest girl she knew, she warmed her heart the same way the sun warmed her cheek on that crisp morning.

"Are you happy here, Ita?" Monika asked softly when they stopped on the Pariser Platz, which was probably the only place she liked in the grey city.

Felicia brought her hands behind her back and did a little shrug.

"It's good here," she replied with a smile. "Ludwig has the strongest hands of all the men I've been with and I love it," she laughed, she couldn't hear Moni's sigh. "I haven't had a boring day since I'm here. I really love him and everything's perfect when we're together, I couldn't wish for anything better. He's a great man," she added with a wide smile and turned her head to look at Monika, who didn't seem that amused. She threw her arms around her with a grin in an attempt to cheer her up. "Hey, if you're jealous, I can give you a kiss too."

Monika poked her cheek, pushing her away from her face gently.

"No, who knows what touched your lips last night and I don't even want to know," she teased, even though she sounded more serious than not.

"Oh," Italia laughed again, "you know-"

"No."

"I made some decent pizza for dinner yesterday, that without a doubt has touched my lips."

"That's wonderful, Ita," she replied coldly and Felicia slowly let go of her.

"I missed your weird humor," Felicia said after a long silence between them.

"And I missed you," Monika admitted without thinking, making Ita smile again. "I won't ever forgive that you left me."

"I apologize. But at least your life is calmer now." She seemed to be completely sure about that and Moni didn't understand why.

"Calmer... Depends on in what way you mean that," she mumbled.

"For example, Luciano is no longer there to bother you."

"How do you know?" She asked in disbelief.

"He's here."

Her words struck Monika as a lightning, she stared at her friend in shock but Ita's expression was unreadable. She couldn't decide whether she was cool with it or she simply grew tired of trying to fight him off and decided to quietly endure his presence and actions.

"What is he doing here?" Moni asked, swallowing hard after regaining her composure. Ita sighed softly.

"He's doing what he'd always done. Protecting me. Watching me."

"Does Ludwig know?" For the first time, she was thankful for Felicia's choice, he would probably be able to protect her from her psycho cousin.

"No," she shook her head shortly. "And I don't want him to know. I don't want him to go and hunt him down or something." She bit her lip hard.

Monika could understand the way she felt. Despite all of the horrible things he'd done, she still loved him, just like a good sister. Maybe she still believed that he had a good side, Moni couldn't know. Not sure about what she should do, she slowly wrapped her arm around Ita's shoulders and held her arm firmly, in a reassuring way. She had never seen her this sad before, in fact she had barely seen her sad at all, but now all of a sudden she seemed to be broken. Monika cursed the city again.

"Oh, I wanted to show you something," Felicia broke the silence and started searching for something in her pockets, then pulled out a folded flyer from the pocket of her coat and handed it to Monika with a smile, excited about her reaction.

Moni cautiously unfolded the paper and started reading it. At first she thought it was about nothing but a simple art exhibition in one of the galleries nearby but when she found the words "Italian painter" and the name of the artist, she froze and suddenly felt her body tingle.

"But... How?"

"Nobody can resist the beauty of his paintings. Nor the beauty of Italia," Felicia replied with a big grin, saying the last word in exactly the way Monika named her after. "I thought we could go and see it tonight."

"Of course. Tonight. Anything you want. The way you want. Do I even have a choice in anything here?" Now she smiled too.

"I don't think so," Ita giggled, "but don't act as if you didn't want to go."

She wanted to. She wanted to go so badly it almost hurt. From the minute she read the flyer, the hours started passing incredibly slowly, as if some kind of evil force wanted her to stay away from the exhibition. Until the evening, after the two of them had returned to the flat, she tried to kill time with a book she picked from Felicia's collection of sappy romantic stories. She wondered why Ita had those at all, since she now had a man that she was all over and they seemed to get along perfectly, Monika just couldn't see why she needed more Cinderella-stories in her life.

For a minute, when she saw them, the way Ludwig pulled Felicia close by the waist ever so gently to kiss her, she started yearning for the same affection. Her anger subsided and loneliness mixed with bitter envy took over her. She buried her nose in the book and gave the story a chance to make up for it.

The lovers lived happily ever after and the next thing Monika knew was that she was walking up the stairs of the gallery where Feliciano's exhibition was held, along with Italia and Ludwig. She was surprised when she first saw the crowd inside but having seen his paintings before, she knew his art deserved all the attention it got.

What she couldn't have known before arriving was that among the many portraits, landscapes and still lifes she would find pictures that were inspired by the times she spent with Feliciano. She explored the exhibition cautiously, as if it were some kind of trap when she recognized more and more places that she had visited before. She walked carefully, preparing herself for more surprises. Unfortunately though, it came like a kick in the stomach when she recognized herself on the next picture she looked at. The painting showed a woman from behind with short, blond hair, wearing blue clothes, and pigeons flew up around her. Aside from her outfit, what she saw in front of her painted had actually happened. She scared that flock of pigeons away on purpose, only because she thought it would be fun when she was in Venice. She couldn't remember him ever taking any pictures with a camera or his phone. Instead, he kept in mind all those moments he liked to paint them later.

She continued examining the pictures, only to find herself on the canvas again and again, sometimes even with Felicia and sometimes with the artist himself, sitting in a café in Florence, watching the sea, walking the streets of Venice holding hands, but the figures could never be identified. Only those knew who the people on the pictures were the ones who needed to know.

Felicia, who had seen the paintings before, paid attention to Monika instead. She watched her surprise turn into nervousness then into pure sadness, as she hesitantly walked around in the room, rubbing her neck then leaning her cheek into her palm. She saw her sigh and frown bitterly until she slowly turned to another picture and looked up at it. Then her shoulders slumped and she bit her lip hard.

It was a picture painted with dark colors, it was a couple sitting on a balcony with a big blanket draped around the both of them and that was when Monika realized how terribly she missed Feliciano. She wished she could just reach out, touch the canvas and be there again, in his hold, under that blanket. Tears welled in her eyes and she knew she wouldn't be able to hold them for too long. She slowly turned her head to tear her gaze away from the picture and looked at the crowd who admired his work without even knowing the meaning behind any of his artworks. And that was when she suddenly saw somebody from the corner of her eye, but that was enough for her to recognize him. For a second she was shocked, she froze, and then did probably the bravest thing a soldier could do. She turned around and ran.

She rushed out of the hall, made her way straight to the gallery's exit and headed down the stairs while putting her coat on, even though she felt nothing of the cold winter air. She didn't know that the person ran after her, since after having watched her for a while, he wanted to finally talk to her that evening.

"Monika! Wait!"

She came to a halt at the bottom of the stairs but she could no longer hold her tears. Her shoulders slumped and she slowly turned around to face him, feeling cornered and ashamed for trying to get away like that. She felt like a child who knew she had done something bad and knew that she couldn't just cry herself out of the situation. His expression softened when he saw the wet lines on her cheeks and slowly descended the stairs, stopping on the first step, right in front of her, so for the first time he seemed taller than her.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you if that's what happened," he said softly, not exactly knowing the reason for her behavior, but an apology seemed to be in place.

She looked away and crossed her arms, trying to think of something to say, something that didn't sound too plain and stupid, when she only didn't want anyone to see her cry and make a scene. Again, she wasn't an officer out there, she had nothing under control, she felt insecure and lost and Feliciano's presence stirred her emotions and made her mind a complete mess. Everything she had been building fell apart in a second once again. She gave up trying to think of an excuse.

"I just want to go home," she said with a sigh and sniffed.

"Is there really nothing I could do to cheer you up?" He asked with a gentle smile.

She sighed again and wiped her eyes with her fist.

"It's just... I wasn't expecting anything like this... It's so... So stupid. I don't understand... And I just don't know... But..."

She stopped talking when Feliciano wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her close, turning her towards himself and pressing his forehead against hers gently. She closed her eyes tightly and just quietly enjoyed his sweet warmth until she uncertainly hugged him back.

"I only wanted to show you and everyone how happy you made me. You inspired me," he whispered so only she could hear it, it was their moment only.

"And you made me..." she admitted shyly. "But every time you come around... I don't know how to act."

"I will let you go if that's what you'd like." He stroked through her hair and behind her ear, only making her long for more of his careful, warm touches that she missed so much. No, she didn't want to leave him now, she wanted him to stay close with her every nerve. "But I want to give you something first. I know it's not Christmas yet, but..." He pulled away and searched for something in his pocket.

Monika blinked curiously, wondering what other surprise he could have had for her. His pictures had already had a great effect on her and she didn't feel like crying again. Her face went pale as she froze when he casually pulled a box with a ring inside out of his pocket and put the ring on her finger without a word. He held her hand in his and smiled at her, looking rather satisfied with himself.

"Just like that?" Monika hummed, being still too surprised to think straight or form any complicated sentences. For a moment she thought she was dreaming.

"To be honest with you, I'm a big coward. I'm terribly afraid of rejection, so I just want you to have it. I want to ask you when I'm sure you'll say yes." His innocent smile made her giggle in nervousness.

"Oh, Feliciano..."

"I will let you go now," he lifted her hand to his lips to kiss the back of it. "You know you can always call me."

His smile never faded as he stepped away and that was when Monika realized something. Just when he was about to walk past her and say goodnight, she grabbed the sleeve of his coat to hold him back.

"Don't you dare," she said softly, yet seriously. "If you leave me now... I might as well just die here."

His smile grew wider, he turned back to her and offered her his hand.

"I can't let that happen. Let's go to my room, shall we?"

'Well played, Feliciano. You wanted me to say those words, didn't you?'

For the second time, he saved her from spending the night feeling awkward at their relatives. She owed him again.






Monika was delirious, floating in a world of heat and sweet sensuality, where only Feliciano could take her. She clung to him as if her life depended on it, holding his thin form close to herself, her thighs pressed against his sides. She found comfort in his warmth as he skillfully fulfilled her most secret cravings. She gave herself to him entirely, without a moment of hesitation and he took the opportunity to love her in the best way he could, bringing overwhelming pleasure for the both of them. Her body responded to every gentle touch, his every little move, her senses were spiked even after coming down back to the earth. He only excused himself for a short minute but when he lay back next to her, she held him close, as if he would have been away for an eternity. He didn't even try to hide how happy it made him, after all he missed her body close to him just as much as she missed his.

They lay still in each other's arms for long. When Monika came awake a little later, thinking Feliciano was asleep, she slowly turned on her back and lifted her hand in the air to take a closer look at the ring he gave her in the dim light. It was simple yet elegant, the small diamond in the middle shone brightly. She sighed softly as she dropped her hand on the thick blanket that covered them.

"Don't you like it?" She heard Feliciano's soft voice and turned her head to look at him.

"It's beautiful," she answered quietly, unsure about what to tell him.

His eyes were closed but he easily found her hand on the blanket and held it gently.

"I just don't know what to think. What is it supposed to mean?"

He sighed before talking.

"I was thinking about it for a long time. I know that a simple 'please' won't be enough because I know that you're working hard towards something else that I cannot give you. If you'd rather follow your dream, I won't stand in your way. If you decide you'd like to live with me, I'll give you everything I have. That's my offer."

A strange tingling flooded her body and with a deep breath, she sat up to try to escape the impact of his words, uselessly. She felt overwhelmed suddenly, she pulled her legs up to her chest and lay her head on her knee. She was scared, unprepared for anything like this. It all didn't seem so serious on the stairs of the gallery but now it was absolutely serious and she couldn't run anymore.

She felt the mattress move and a few moments later Feliciano wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to his chest. He ran his fingers through her hair, as if he he were comforting a little girl.

"You don't need to decide right now. Or in a week." Monika hid her face in his neck as he talked. "I don't want you to ever regret anything. Take your time, as much as you need. And when you have your answer, let me know."

"How?" She whispered.

"If... If you want to be with me, come to me. If you don't... Tell Feliciana. She'll find a way to put it right. Or give her the ring if you don't want to keep it." She stayed silent so he continued. "But if you come to me one day... Then I will ask you to marry me."

The long, shaky sigh she let out didn't make him feel any less nervous.

"My God, Feliciano..." She whispered and in her helpless sorrow, she started kissing his neck, as if she could drown all the frustration into love, into lust.

He of course accepted her invitation, not knowing how much longer he could hold her close before she was gone again and God only knew when he would see her again.







The next day Felicia insisted on having dinner together at their place. Monika was only nervous because the last thing she wanted was Felicia noticing her ring and starting to squeal and jump around since it wasn't what it looked like. Luckily the dinner went smoothly, the two Italians made sure that the conversation kept going and nobody was left out or felt awkward, especially Monika found the light chatter about little nothings comforting. But while Ita held Ludwig's hand, touched his arm and basically flirted with him the whole evening, Feliciano and Monika both acted cool, they showed small signs of affection towards each other but none of them felt the need to show off. They loved each other in a calm, gentle way.

Luckily, Ita was too distracted with everything else to notice Monika's new little treasure, even during doing the dishes she kept talking and talking about anything that came to her mind and Monika listened with a smile, sometimes simply nodding or laughing with her. When they were finished, Felicia drew her brother away from Ludwig to have a conversation only between them, which was easy because nobody else there spoke any Italian. Their chit-chat didn't seem to end very soon and Monika grew bored in the end. She walked to the window to take a look outside but other than a few street lamps and many other windows, she didn't see much. She sighed, her fears and doubts slowly returning to her, but before she could fall too deep in thought, a can of beer appeared in her sight and just after a second of hesitation, she took and opened it.

"Enjoying yourself after all?" Ludwig asked before drinking some of his own beer.

"Not as much as they do," she nodded towards the room where the twins were.

"Well, they are like that," he said with a shrug and turned his head to take a closer look at her. "Can I congratulate you on your engagement?"

Monika pulled the can away from her mouth with a frown and swallowed.

"No, not yet."

"Oh?"

"Long story. Italia will probably tell you later."

Humming, he crossed his arms and leaned against the wall then looked outside as well, curious to see what Monika was staring at but he failed to find anything interesting.

"Are you coming with me to see Mama tomorrow?"

"I doubt it," she answered after a long silence.

"May I ask why?"

"Because she wants to see you more. And I don't feel like being lectured and listening to her telling me what I should do. I'm sick of that."

"Why are you so sure of that?"

"It's always been like that, now don't piss me off," she growled. He just sighed. "Tell her I had tried or something. I guess she won't be surprised. She prefers you anyway."

The sad thing was, he couldn't even argue with that fact. He knew that he was the favourite child and Monika had always only been his little sister, the one who never had a say in anything because she was "just a little girl." As if it were her fault that she was born ten years later and everyone was busy supporting and guiding Ludwig by the time she had arrived. And that never seemed to change afterwards. She had to walk the same path her brother did alone.

"So what are your plans now?" He asked to break the silence.

"First of all, I'm going home... And then I need to figure out what I'm going to do."

"Mhm... If you ever need help, just call me."

She was surprised to hear something like that from him and at the same time, she doubted she would ever do that. She had always done things alone and she didn't think that would change. As if Ludwig could read her mind, he continued talking.

"Though I've heard you're doing pretty well."

He instantly had her attention again, she turned back to him, her eyebrows raised.

"And what does that mean?"

Ludwig smiled.

"That I often hear how tough and strict my little sister is and that she's one of the most respected officers in the region."

"Funny..." She hummed, barely believing her ears. For a second she thought maybe it was nothing but some kind of stupid joke but she decided to trust him.

"You think so?"

"I wish I felt as respected as you say. I thought I was just a stupid woman who screws up everything." She couldn't help being sceptical.

"Everbody screws things up from time to time," he shrugged and she sighed long.

"And who tells you about me anyway? I don't exactly live in the neighbourhood."

"Just don't worry about it. When you do something well, of course they will talk about you."

"If it's Italia who talks, you shouldn't always listen to her."

"No, it's not Feliciana."

She sighed long.

"So I'm good." She said softly, calmly, not wanting to ruin the day with a fight when it had been going so well so far.

"Yes. I've never heard anyone say anything different."

He expected an answer but she stayed quiet, her attention focused on one of the street lamps again. What more, something about that lamp could have made her really sad because the bitter, sorrowful expression on her face alarmed him.

"What's wrong now?" He asked softly, his tone gentle. She shook her head.

"Let's not talk about me anymore. Tell me about you instead, how have you been?"

For the rest of the evening, time passed painfully slowly for Monika, her thoughts bothering her without an end. She would have rather heard that she was bad at her job, so she would have had one more argument that could have helped her make her decision, but this way she got nowhere. She apologized to Feliciano for not going back with him that night and lay down in the guest room instead, hoping to find the solution in her dreams.

After a few hours of restless sleep and tossing and turning in her bed, she got up early and made herself a cup of coffee. It was still dark outside but she just couldn't force herself to lie down again. She waited for Ludwig and Felicia to wake up and have breakfast with them before she left their flat to go out for a walk, to air her head before meeting Feliciano. The air was cold and clouds covered the sky that morning but nothing could stop her, especially not the gloomy weather.




"Bella! Come in!" He greeted her with a big smile when she appeared at his door.

"My name's still Monika," she smiled, stepped inside and handed him the few slices of chocolate cake she bought on her way to his room.

"And you're still beautiful," he sang and looked down at the package in his hands. "Is there any particular reason for cake or are we just going to have a snack?"

"We're either going to celebrate or simply have a snack," she said as she finished taking her boots and jacket off. "I'll tell you what's on my mind and we'll see."

He was eager to know what she had to say, he nodded and walked further inside with her, placed the cake on the table and turned back to her, still smiling and visibly excited.

"Have no mercy."

Monika smiled back at him and crossed her arms.

"I've been thinking. And I've decided. So I'm here."

"And?"

She could see that he could barely contain himself, he grew impatient with each passing moment. She pulled the ring off and held it out for him in her fist. He caught his breath, his eyes widened and his smile faded at the same time.

"No," she spoke softly, the word almost making Feliciano's heart stop beating. "Don't freak out, please. I want you to ask me. I thought you needed it."

Blood returned into his face and he breathed out loudly.

"So you say I don't need to be scared? I told you I was a coward," he took the ring hesitantly.

"I have one condition."

"What is it, bella?" The words sounded as if he were pleading her to be his, he wanted her desperately, he longed for her painfully.

"I would very much like to be your bride. But I hope you understand that I can't leave my home just yet. And what kind of wife lives far away from her husband? That's why I thought... As a first step... I mean, we could still see each other whenever we have time but I cannot move and leave everything behind yet. And I don't want you to do that either. So... Ask me now if you still want to."

Her cold eyes gazed into his. His expression slowly softened and he proudly knelt before her, taking her hand in his.

"Monika," he started quietly. "You are worth every second of waiting. And the best I can do is support you in any way I can, even if it's my patience that you need. But despite all of that, I would like to have you as my wife one day. So my dear," he looked up at her with a smile, "will you marry me?"

She smiled back at him warmly and nodded.

"I will. Someday I will, I swear."

He was glad to finally put the ring on her finger after asking the big question and his anxiousness disappeared completely when happiness took over his heart. He rose to hold and kiss her, finally calm and endlessly glad, even though it wasn't what he had planned.

"So how about some cake now?" She stroked behind his ear.

"We're celebrating after all," he smiled widely and slowly pulled away.

A few days later they parted knowing they would meet again sometime. They both had their own lives to live but they knew they belonged to each other. Being apart never meant their love faded, they loved each other a little more every time they met, in Munich or Venice, it never mattered where.

In the meantime Feliciano continued painting and organizing exhibitions, and a few years later people spoke about him as one of the most talented artists of the present day. He could only laugh when they compared him to artists like Botticelli but he absolutely enjoyed his fame and attention his pictures had got him. There was always something he wanted to improve and he worked hard to be finally satisfied with his work. As for Monika, she never stopped pushing herself to become better either. She fought, she never gave up or backed down, she struggled until she could, until the day when everything changed.














Major Beilschmidt walked the streets of Venice, eager to finally arrive at Feliciano's place with a packet in hand. He had been expecting the guest and he greeted the friend at his door warmly.

"She fell asleep, so give me a minute and I'll get her," Feli smiled and walked to the bedroom.

A few minutes later Monika walked into the living room, wearing a long, light blue cardigan that she held together with her crossed arms, her hair messy and looking sleepy, but she smiled when she saw her brother.

"It's good to see you."

"I've come as I promised," Ludwig smiled back at her and stepped closer to hand her the gift Felicia sent her. "How are you?"

"Today better than other days. Thank you. Let's sit down, Feliciano is nice, he will make you some coffee right away."

He simply nodded and they sat to the table where Monika couldn't wait much longer, she opened the box to see what was inside.

"Felicia sends her regards," he said as she took a pair of tiny, white, knitted shoes that Ita made  herself out of the box. She held them in her palms and stared at them long in silence, her heart pounding hard with joy. She wondered if it was only her hormones that made her so emotional. She carefully placed them on the table next to the box and looked inside again to find a bag of gummy bears and a book about pregnancy.

"I don't even know how to thank you two," she said softly.

"You don't need to. We have at least a hundred pairs of baby shoes if not more but Felicia said this one turned out the best."

"A true masterpiece," she smiled, "So she still finds time for her hobbies."

Feliciano placed a cup of coffee in front of Ludwig and joined them at the table. He also fell in love with Feliciana's handwork quickly, he was proud of his sister being so skilled in another thing she only started practicing not long ago. He only wished she could have come with Ludwig as well but he knew she would rather not travel anywhere at the moment. The two men dove into a long conversation while Monika was stuck looking at the small shoes. She didn't even want to talk, she was worried she could no longer hold her feelings then her tears would spill, making her look like a complete fool. She excused herself, saying she would go to the balcony to get some fresh air, which she did after reassuring Feliciano that she really felt alright.

The warm summer breeze caressed her cheek and she took her cardigan off, no longer needing it under the sun's gentle warmth. She tried to pull herself together, she didn't want to hide the whole day, she tried to think of something else instead. She leaned against the railing and watched the people come and go. Soon she lost track of time and she only returned to reality when Ludwig stepped beside her.

"So, do you enjoy spending your maternity leave here?"

"Very much," she smiled then sighed softly. "And I am moving here soon."

"Many people would do the same if they could."

"I consider myself lucky. And then... That's the best for us."

He slowly reached out to pat her back and rested his hand there for a few moments.

"You'll be alright here. We're always here for you."

"I appreciate it. Even though this is nothing like what I had in mind before."

"To be honest, it surprised all of us when we heard about you."

"Well... It just happened. And Feliciano looked so happy when I told him, I didn't want to break his heart and not keep it..."

"These Italians always have their way, don't they?" He chuckled and she laughed with him.

"They sure do. Just look at what Italia made out of you."

"I don't know what you mean," he replied with a smile, "I'm the same, the difference is that they're expecting me at home. And carrying shopping bags keeps me extra fit."

"So you stay fit and I'll be fat. Sounds unfair."

"Come on, the baby will keep you fit for sure. And when it's older... You can go back to your training," he watched her closely for a reaction.

"To training, I might. But I might not go back to the army." Her words sounded heavy with regret.

"Why not?" He asked softly, hoping he wouldn't upset her any more.

"The child needs both of us. I don't want to leave it here or drag it with myself. I don't care about my job as much about my baby. And also because I've stopped chasing you."

"Chasing me? What do you mean?"

"I don't need to be like you to be proud of myself. Or to be happy."

"Very well," he smiled, "I'm also very proud of you."

"Thanks. It really means a lot to me."

For the first time, Ludwig really believed that she no longer had grudges against him. She seemed calm, content, happy and he was glad to see her that way. She had always wanted to be like him, and even though she gave up on that dream, she had other, more beautiful and self-rewarding duties to perform. And yet she seemed as determined as ever, only her goals became different. She wanted to raise her child with Feliciano and finally be happy, it was just what she had deserved.

"Can you please bring me my gummy bears?"

He chuckled and turned towards the door.

"You won't ever quit bossing others around, will you?"

"No. I will never," she smiled and enjoyed the view Venice had to offer for her.