Spain X Reader Pathetic, Aren't We?

It was past midnight and the party was still loud in the house. Not feeling very comfortable, you walked outside into the dark and sighed softly. It was much colder too than inside, you slowly wrapped your arms around yourself. You were wondering why you were invited if everyone decided to ignore you. And you weren't even a party-person.

You only noticed you were not alone after a few minutes, when you started walking around and bumped into Antonio, sitting on the stairs with no lights around, supporting his head and covering his face with the same hand. He was motionless and for the fist time you were worried about him. He was always cheerful and bright and you had never see him down, not even a little bit. Still, that he was sitting there alone in such a pose scared you.

"Toni?" You called him softly after some hesitation. He jumped a bit and immediately lifted his face up to look at you. "Ah, chica. What are you doing here, aren't you having fun?" You bit your lip nervously and stepped closer. "I could ask you the same thing, Antonio. Can I sit with you?" "Of course." He shifted to the side and patted the place next to you. "Thank you." You smiled at him and sat down.

You hated seeing people being sad, you always wanted to cheer them up and you always tried your best to do so. You had enough negative feelings in your heart, you didn't want it to be around you too... Nobody was allowed to be sad around you. All you wanted to see was people smiling and being happy, and Toni was a person like that, who could bring smiles to anyone's face just with his presence. And now there he was, obviously feeling down and it worried you.

"So... How come you're here? Where's Francis and Gilbert?" "Gilbert got too drunk and Francis took him home and I stayed here." "I see... Is that what's making you upset?" "Me upset?" He laughed like he usually would, the same cheerful laugh that everyone knew. "I'm alright, really, just-" He smiled.

"Don't lie to me." You interrupted and he became silent. You didn't mean to be rude though. "Sorry! I just... I know this behavior too well." "Hmm?" he stared at you in confusion, making you slightly embarrassed so you quickly hugged yourself tightly and tried to seem at least a bit smaller. "Just please Toni, I worry about you. I know something's wrong, I can see it on you. Please, tell me." You begged him. "I want to know what's bothering you, I want you to be happy, like always. This is so not your style." You smiled at him kindly.

"Umm..." He hesitated first and stared at the ground in front of himself. Then after a deep sigh, he started speaking.  "So... Have you ever done something you didn't like just to make someone else happy?" He kept his eyes on the ground. This question made you do the same, you looked at your feet and lowered your head a bit. "Yes, I have. It can be so painful to pretend you're alright with anything." "So you know how it feels. And if you have to do that for too long, it weights down on you and makes you feel miserable. Pretending you're alright day after day, without stopping." He frustratedly ran his fingers through his hair and supported his head by his forehead with his hand again, leaving his fingers in his hair too.

"I think I know what you're talking about..." You said quietly. "You just want people to be happy and you keep cheering them up, smiling at them, even when your heart is shattering into pieces." "Exactly." You looked at him and slowly shifted closer. You gently grabbed his hand and pulled it away from his face, making him look at you. You could see the sadness in his shiny green eyes, which looked blanker now. You could completely understand him.

You two looked deep into each other's eyes for probably longer than a minute. You didn't need words anymore to know what the other thought about. "I never knew you were someone like that too." He sighed and looked up at the sky, at the moon that lit the dark area now. "The saddest people smile the brightest, they say." "Because they don't want others to suffer the way they do." You finished what he started. "Sometimes it makes me really sick. Nobody knows, but... I've been taking antidepressants for a very long time now. Not even those seem to have any effect anymore." You stayed quiet, but deep down you were shocked. You have never ever expected this from him. You felt like you were going to cry but you wanted to hold the tears back. You had to be strong, he needed you...

He suddenly wrapped his arm around you and pulled you close to himself, his other hand stroked your hair slowly and he leaned his forehead against yours. "You can cry, don't worry. If it makes you feel better, let it out, if you hold it in, it's just going to destroy you more. I'm sure you know that too. You don't need to pretend with me." He held you even closer to his chest and your tears slowly soaked his shirt and he nuzzled your hair. "I know how that feels, believe me. It's hard to stay strong all the time. Sometimes we need to be weak, else we crash under the weight of being strong." You nodded and gripped his shirt at his back. "It's funny how we want people to be happy while we are so depressed. And we keep helping and helping, torturing ourselves at the same time, as if we took away and kept their sadness too."

"Patethic, aren't we?"